The Portland Marathon - (sitting out the) Race Report

This past Sunday was the Portland Marathon.  It would have been, and should have been, my 5th Marathon.  But, it wasn't.  It was a difficult decision, but I realized in April, when I could barely finish a half-marathon, that I needed to put myself on the injured list and sit out this year. I walked and finished my first Portland Marathon on 10/10/10, and before even finishing, I knew I wanted to do another.   Running or walking a marathon is like getting a tattoo. It is absolutely impossible to stop at just one.  There is no higher high, than the sense of accomplishment you feel after crossing the finish line after having spent the past several months training. You spend months putting in hundreds/thousands of miles while normal people are still asleep in the mornings, or out enjoying happy hour in the evenings.  If you've ever had a desire to do a marathon, I would encourage you to start training now.  Register for one.  Train.  Feel awesome.  It will be the best decision you've ever made for yourself.  It will change everything about life, from the way you view challenges and hardships, to what "fuel" you decide to put into your body.  You will change your perspective on just about everything. When you train for, and finish, a marathon, your mindset becomes one of - "anything is possible."

If participating in a marathon gives you one of the greatest highs possible, then you can imagine the utter disappointment you would feel after having completed a few, to then know that your body is in no condition to do another.  I can usually talk myself out of the funkiest of funks, but knowing I was too injured to push myself to train for this year's marathon, sent me into a horrible case of the blues.  I was bummed. I was sad.  I wasn't training. I was gaining weight.  I wasn't getting to experience all of the camaraderie with my other runner and walker friends.  I was upset with myself and upset with my body, even though I knew the decision to sit out this year was the right decision.

My husband didn't like to see me beating myself up.  The day before the marathon he said to me, "you know what will make you feel better?  You should go down to the marathon and cheer for your friends."  I resisted at first. I told him I was afraid it would make me too sad.  He persisted, reminding me, "you like it when your friends cheer for you, so now's your chance to go cheer for your friends." He was right.  He was absolutely right.  The minute I allowed myself to imagine my friends crossing the finish line, I was instantly filled with excitement and nervousness for them!   I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do more, than to go and cheer on my friends.   Well, I wanted to cheer and make posters!!!

I immediately messaged my friend Becki, who is pretty much the very best marathon cheerleader in the entire universe.  She knows the best routes for cheering for a person in the Portland Marathon at multiple points throughout the entire course.   I would never have been able to cross that finish line were it not for the support of my friends and family.   They are both cheerleader and pit crew.  Becki cleared her schedule for Sunday and happily agreed to chauffeur us so we could cheer on our old classmates.  Becki was in for the race on Sunday, but she was busy Saturday, so I was on my own for making posters.  After a not-so-quick-trip to Jo-Ann Fabrics & Crafts to get poster-making supplies, I finally started crafting our posters at around 10pm the night before the marathon.

We met bright and early on Sunday morning to figure out logistics of how to cheer for both our runner friend and our walker friends.  Our runner friend is fast.  I have no doubt that she could qualify for Boston, if that's something she wants for herself.  The other two friends are walkers and they had told me their goal was  just to finish.   We had to strategize our stops in such a way that we would be able to cheer for both our runner friend and walker friends, and we wanted to see them all at multiple points throughout the race.

We planned to see our runner friend at the out-and-back along Front Avenue (which is around mile 6 - 11ish), then get her again on the other side of the St. Johns Bridge, then go back to the out-and-back to cheer on our walker friends.  After seeing our runner friend, Shannon, we knew she was looking strong and on pace to meet her goal.  I also knew she had other friends there to cheer her on.  When we couldn't figure out the logistics, we decided just to stay there to cheer for our walker friends.  During that time at our first post, we got to see thousands of participants, from runners to walkers, and everyone in between.  We knew Shannon was looking strong, she would finish, and there was a high likelihood she could even set a PR.  She was going to be just fine and she had lots of other friends there to see her through.

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Shannon was in beast mode and totally came out of nowhere, before I could even ready myself to get her in focus. She's an animal and she did excellent!

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Since our walker friends had said their goal was to finish, and almost alluded to the possibility that they might not make it, we made up our minds that we were determined to see them cross that finish line and we were going to stay for the entire race to make sure it happened!  We weren't sure if either of our walker friends, Anita or Hillary, had family or friends there to cheer - so we were going to cheer enough to be both their family and their friends!

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Our "will recycle this sign" sign, was a hit at stop one and people even stopped to take pictures.

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I didn't take any pictures between our first stop, and the finish.  We were too busy cheering!  (NOTE: If you're reading this on an iPhone, these two pictures might be sideways.  I'm sorry.  This was perplexing.  If they're right side up on a macbook, they're sideways on the iPhone.  When i fix them for the iPhone, they're sideways on the laptop. Weird!  Let's just pretend this didn't happen.)

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After the first cheering post at mile 6-11, we drove over to NW Portland and cheered again around mile 12.  By then, other runners and walkers recognized us from the first stop, and started to adopt us.  Anita and Hillary were totally surprised to see us.  I'm fairly certain they didn't expect to see us again.  We then made our way down St. Helens Road and honked and cheered as we drove by. Again, I think Anita and Hillary thought that would be the last they saw of us.

We made our way across the St. Johns Bridge, which is exhausting, even when you're riding in a little smart car.   By then, Becki and I had both sustained serious blisters.  Cowbell-ringing blisters. We were determined to push through the pain.  There was one upside to not actually participating in the marathon.  After the St. Johns Bridge, we stopped at Burgerville for lunch.  Now I don't think I'll ever be able to do another marathon without thinking about the Burgerville which is just on the other side of the St. Johns Bridge. I wish I hadn't learned this.  After lunch, we then made our way to our next post, just around the bend from the St. Johns Bridge, which would have been around mile 17.5.  The complete strangers who had recognized us from the previous stops were now commenting to us and thanking us for cheering them on.  When Anita and Hillary saw us, I think the were in complete disbelief that we were sticking with them!  We told them we're stalking them and would see them down the road a ways.  Anita expressed her concern that she might not make it another mile.

Our next post was around mile 20, where we had just missed Hillary, but we were able to see Anita again and we were able to tell her that we would see her at the finish line. We told all of the random strangers who recognized us and adopted us as their own cheerleaders, that we would see them at the finish line as well.  We wanted them to know someone was going to be there, expecting to see them cross that finish line, hoping it would help squash any little monsters of self-doubt creeping into their minds.  At this point, not only were we fully invested in seeing Anita and Hillary finish, but there were hundreds of other people with whom we now had a connection. We were rooting for everyone!

After mile 20-ish, we had to head downtown to the finish line area.  Most marathons and half-marathons have a time limit by which you must finish, or you're re-routed.  You can still finish, but often times it means you're moved from the street to the sidewalk.  In the Portland Marathon, they completely re-route you.  As we made our way down to the finish, we could see they were starting to re-route the walkers.  I was so stressed.  The re-route looked like it was more difficult, and it seemed like it even added distance.  I know how painful those last few miles can be, and the thought of a more difficult re-route made my heart ache for everyone.

We made it to the finish line area where we were able to cheer and cry and cheer and cry.  We got to see lots of other finishers, including a dog, a woman celebrating her 70th birthday, an elderly woman near 90 years old who was doing her 47th marathon, a couple who held hands the entire marathon, and several people who when they saw their loved ones at the finish line, completely broke down into tears.  Believe me, everyone cries at the finish line or just before.  You're at complete physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion and when you enter the finish chute, your emotions come bursting out and there's nothing you can do to hold them back.  Then add in your friends or family, and you're near complete emotional melt-down.  The tears just happen. It's all good. Let 'em flow.

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All of the sudden, volunteers started tearing down the finish chute. The banners came down.  The Finish Line came down.  Gone were the cheerleaders, the announcers and the giant timer clock...and then came something you just don't want to see; the police car that indicates the end of the pack.

Thinking the police car wouldn't arrive until every walker had finished, we grew concerned.  Our friends hadn't yet finished.   We checked the online tracker to find their whereabouts, and then had a momentary freak-out.  According to the online tracker, they had stopped shortly after we saw them last.  We were sad and in disbelief.  They looked strong when we last saw them.  They appeared tired, but strong, and like they would definitely finish. After some quick thinking, we tracked the bib numbers of some of the walkers who had just finished and the online tracker showed they had stopped as well.  Clearly, they just crossed the finish line in front of our very eyes, so we realized that the on-line tracker was just down, and the police car was only there to re-route the finish to the alternate area.  Our friends hadn't stopped. They would be finishing any moment!

Let me tell you what happens after the banners are torn down, the finish line is torn down, and the announcer stops announcing...what happens next is that the greatest athletes in the world start to cross the newly re-positioned finish line.

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The finish line changes from a cordoned-off chute, to a little area near the World Trade Center.  The remaining volunteers form a line to point finishers into the new finish area.

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After most people have gone home, is when you see the biggest display of guts and relentless determination.  I cried. We cried.  Every person who crossed the new finish line was as determined and as strong as the first person who crossed the finish line. To me, they were even more brave. They had more guts.  They had more relentless determination than a naturally gifted runner, because they weren't naturally gifted.  They worked through each and every single step. They've been out there working twice as long as some people, but they never gave up. They kept going.

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When we saw our friends nearing the finish, we nearly broke down as well.  It had been a long, hot, very hot, day and they had just given it their all to cross that finish line.  They dug deep. They did it.   When we saw our friends, I thought it was pretty cool that we happened to know the greatest athletes in the world.   Finishing = Winning.

Anita, Hillary and Shannon - congratulations on your finish!  You're all awesome!

 

365 Day People Picture Project - Week 9

Week 9 of the 365 Day People Picture Project is now complete. This week has been one of the best weeks in my entirefnlife! I finished my fourth Marathon on Sunday - the Portland Marathon.  I'll share a separate post later this week.  It was actually my slowest time yet, but in a strange way, I'm more pleased with my accomplishment this year, than I have been in the last 3 years. I know this doesn't make sense, but I'll try to explain in a separate marathon race report, later.

When I started this challenge, 62 days ago, I knew there would be a few really tough days - days that were going to be so challenging that even something as simple as taking a picture, might prove to be impossible and the challenge would be over.

Marathon day was one of my big concerns.  After I finished my first marathon, I actually had some sort of incident afterward. I don't know what you call it…I guess I fainted. (or, half-fainted since I didn't actually hit the ground, but only because all of my friends caught me before I went splat.)  The next 2 years, I spent all of my mental and physical effort to remain conscious and upright after crossing the finish line. It worked, but as soon as I would get home, I would hit the couch and remain there for hours.  I couldn't imagine finding the strength to do something as simple as pushing the shutter button.  So, I was concerned for very good reason.

It all worked out ok. After crossing the finish line this year, I still managed to have the capacity to get a shot for the project. For weeks, I had to prep myself that I needed be able to take a picture after I finished. I think my subject actually helped me to tap into a little energy reserve because she looked so strong and tough, like she had simply gone for a little stroll in the park.

Day 57 - Corinne

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This is Corinne and this was her first marathon!  Her cute lemon-wedge smile matched her spunky personality and I'm pretty sure she could have done at least another 5 miles or so.  Corinne is actually a friend of Becki's (day 43) sister - they were in the Army together.  I guess when you're army-tough, a lil' ol' marathon really is just a Sunday stroll in the park.  Corinne is now totally hooked on marathons.  She said she was going to register for 2014 just as soon as she got home!  Best of luck, Corinne!

One of the reasons why this is one of the very best weeks of my life is that after the marathon, I then went to see my favorite band in the entire universe - Lucero.  Yes, I somehow rallied and pulled myself together and went to the show that night.  When I arrived, I found the lead singer, Ben Nichols, got a big ol' rock star hug, gave him some t-shirts, and then made arrangements to catch him after the show so that I could take his picture. (It had to be after midnight so that he could be day 58.)  Well, shit happened. It just didn't work out that night but if I have to fly to Tennessee before this project is over, I'm going to do it.  I will get Ben Nichols, or I will keep shooting until I do!

Day 58 - Richard

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This is another co-worker, Richard.  When we're at work, we really don't have time to visit, so I don't know a lot about Richard. He's just one of those guys who is instantly likable, even without knowing much about him.  He's an excellent printer, so that's even a bonus!

When Richard first started, he had sort of a hippie-metal look happening. He had super long hair and a totally bushy beard. He was Portland. (even though he's not even a native.) Then one day he came in clean-shaven and hairs-cut.  The transformation was so drastic, I didn't even recognize him.    I felt like telling him, "golf course is down the street, buddy!"  I wish I had taken a before-and-after photo!  Now, he's somewhere between the two looks.  I don't care what look he goes with, we just love that he's part of our team.

Day 59 - Ronni

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Two days after the marathon, I decided that I needed to get my legs moving again. However, my body wasn't in-line with the ambitions of my mind, so I compromised with a trip to the mall. Hey, it's walking!

Ronni was so sweet and helpful.  The stubborn inventory-control-tags wouldn't come off from the skirts I wanted to purchase, but she persisted and fought the little suckers to their deaths.  As if that wasn't helpful enough, she then let me take her picture for the project.

I really wanted to capture Ronni's beautiful eyes and enviable brows.

Day 60 - Corrie and her little friend

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I was driving down the street and spotted two people wearing brightly-colored monster beanies, hanging out on a sunny partio.  I knew I could find a subject amongst that happy hour crowd.

Day 61 - Roger and Hana

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Roger was walking this little beauty, Hana, just as it was starting to get dark and rainy.  Roger agreed to be a part of the project and when he did, I was having an internal battle happening because I realized, I don't know how to shoot this!!  My skills are limited, non-existent, actually,  and my camera can only do so much. I have to learn to get better!  I have to learn how to shoot in these conditions so that I'm not terrified to the point where I'm paralyzed.

Roger seemed like a nice guy and I was worried this could take a while so I just came out with it.  I told Roger that I'm new and inexperienced and that I was struggling to shoot in the rain and limited light.  He was patient with me.  I didn't want to take too much of his time so I did the best I could, as quickly as I could.

Roger was a gem.  I think these conditions may be difficult for even an experienced photographer, so I'm going to cut myself a little slack here and I just look forward to joining a photography class.

When I posted this to Instagram, one of my cyclist friends commented that they actually know Roger through racing.  I've wondered how the "6 degrees of separation" may play out in this project, so it was pretty cool that one of my "random" subjects actually turned out to be a friend of a friend. Tis a small world, after all.

Day 62 - Sarah

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This is the Badass Mother Runner herself,  Sarah Bowen Shea.  Sarah is co-author of two books and half of the duo behind the Another Mother Runner blog.  I'm honored that she is part of my little project.

Sarah and her collaborator, Dimity, provide inspiration and support to thousands of women.  "Mother Runners" who are followers of the Another Mother Runner blog and Run Like a Mother Facebook Page are more than just fans, they have become a family, a tribe.

Although I'm not a mother, and I'm just a walker - my greatest source of training information, advice, and inspiration comes from Another Mother Runner.  Sarah and Dimity, and their tribe of mother runners, will be your greatest training partners if you decide you'd ever like to do a half or full marathon.  Even if you run or walk, just for fun - I encourage you to check them out! Wait, I'm not just encouraging you, I'm flat out suggesting that you do yourself the best favor possible and "like them" on Facebook and follow their blog.

Sarah is a client of the shop where I work. We print their t-shirt line.  Since day one, Sarah has been one of the nicest customers I've ever worked with.  I know she must have a crazy schedule with running/training, being a mom and wife, writing, traveling, and pod-casting, but she always makes the time to visit with me and my co-workers.  She makes it a point to learn people's names and she connects with each of us. How does she even do it?  She has thousands and thousands of fans and enormous pressures, yet she still makes time for us. She amazes me and inspires me. She inspires me not only to keep active, but to keep writing and to keep connecting with others, even when I feel like I'm too tapped out to do so.

One of the reasons I love working with Sarah is that she has a sharp eye for color and she's a little on the experimental side.  The Another Mother Runner T-shirt line consists primarily of  slogans/text, so Sarah keeps the line creative by experimenting with unexpected color-combinations and it always works!  She's an athlete, writer, and artist - all in one little 6 foot package! The woman does it all!

Not only is Sarah a writer, artist and athlete, she's first and foremost - a mother.  She's the Mom to three very special little ones and they're growing up to be just as awesome as their mother.

I feel like I should go on, but I admire Sarah so much - I can't even find the right words.  You'll see what I mean when you become a part of the Another Mother Runner tribe.

 

Day 63 - LANGHORNE SLIM!!

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This is "Langhorne Slim" of the band, Langhorne Slim and the Law!!!!

I first heard of Langhorne Slim and the Law just a few months ago when they opened for Lucero. (of course.)  They put on the very best show I've ever seen!  The experience of Lucero and Langhorne Slim in one night had to be the best concert I've ever been to.  Any more energy, and I would have exploded with excitement!

This week has been an extended version of that show a few months ago. I caught Lucero on Sunday, after the marathon, and then Langhorne was last night.  This 42 year old body has danced more in one week, than I did throughout the entire 90's.

You should stop reading this right now, get out your phone, download the "Bands in Town" ap, (if you don't already have it) and follow "Langhorne Slim and the Law." Stalk them until they play a show near you, then prepare yourself for one of the best shows you'll ever see! You may think that you're not into that style of music (roots/folk/alt-country) but you will leave that show having had one of the best nights of your life, and you'll leave there a fan forever.

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After the show last night, I headed to the merch table to buy another CD to replace the one which was stolen from my car a few months ago.  I was able to get the CD autographed and Langhorne let me take his picture for the project. Although, I was so excited, I'm pretty sure I was only able to mumble something like…"ummm, can I take your picture, for my, umm, picture project, ummm, please?"  Ok, I wasn't quite that annoying but pretty close.  I did actually tell him that "I feel like I should give you back your heart and soul, because I'm pretty sure you just gave it to us." He laughed, and said, "it's ok, I'll get it back."  I got my picture and a handshake and the end to a perfect week.  (Marathon, Lucero, and Langhorne Slim - perfection!)

You're probably familiar with Langhorne Slim but you might not realize it.  Check this out:

http://vimeo.com/42584484

If you were a subject this week, or if you're just reading this, thank you for sharing in such a special week for me.

I'm working on improving myself and my pictures for you.  Well, you know what I mean - I'm doing it for me, but sharing with you helps me push myself to improve and grow.  With the marathon in my rear-view, I'll now have a little more time to take some photography classes and be better disciplined about my posting schedule.

Thank you again, and I'm wishing you a perfect week of your own!

Word Wednesday - Trachle

trachle

tra·chle

noun, verb, tra·chled, tra·chling. Scot.

noun
1.  an exhausting effort, especially walking or working.
2.  an exhausted or bedraggled person.
verb (used with object)
1.  to fatigue; tire; wear out.
2.  to bedraggle.
The Portland Marathon is in one month and having just completed a 24 mile walk this past Sunday,  the hardest part of training is behind me and it's now downhill until the trachle of race day.

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This will be my 4th marathon, and oddly, training for this marathon has been the most challenging of all.  My time was so slow this past Sunday, if I were to do that same pace come Marathon day, I would be among the very last finishers.  There came a point on Sunday when I thought to myself that I should just back out.  I shouldn't do the Portland Marathon this year. In fact, there were several points along those 24 miles when I thought to myself that there is no possible way I could do the marathon this year and I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I was going to opt out.

That sort of psych-out and mental battle is all part of training for a marathon.  You have to go to war against yourself in training sessions so that come race day, you know you will cross that finish line no matter how loudly your brain tries to convince you otherwise.  Part of the mental war of training is so that you can go into the marathon having been beaten down a few times during training and knowing that you didn't give up!  The battles you fight during training will give you confidence knowing that you can pick yourself back up and drag your own self across that finish line!

Eventually, I made peace with myself.  I'm still going to do the Portland Marathon. I will cross that start line and I will cross that finish line!  I will feel no shame or regret if my time is significantly slower this year as long as I can look back on the race and feel that I had given it my all (mentally, physically, or both) at every mile of the race. It is going to be quite the trachle to cross that finish line - but I'm determined to make it happen!

Word Wednesday - Respite

Respite - a short period of rest or relief from something difficult res·pite

noun, verb, res·pit·ed, res·pit·ing.

noun

1. a delay or cessation for a time, especially of anything distressing or trying; an interval of relief: to toil without respite.
2. temporary suspension of the execution of a person condemned to death; reprieve.
verb (used with object)

3. to relieve temporarily, especially from anything distressing or trying; give an interval of relief from.
4. to grant delay in the carrying out of (a punishment, obligation, etc.)

 

There are times in life when things become so stressful, all we want to do is escape on a tropical vacation. Ironically, it is often the most stressful times in life when we're least able to jet away to an island paradise.

It's taken me a while, but I've realized that vacation is a state of mind. You may not be able to physically jet away from stress, but you can provide yourself with respite from the day-to-day stressors by going on vacation…in your mind. If we give ourselves enough self care and mental breaks, we can cope with everything our busy world gives us and still keep our sanity.

When training for our first marathon, my buddies and I hit a real turning point the first time we broke 20 miles. I'm not saying that everything leading up to that point was easy. It definitely wasn't, but there was something about the day we broke 20 miles that nearly broke us in the process.

As we were approaching 20 miles, I was feeling as though I needed to take a short break to sit down, stretch, and fill up my water bottle. One of my training buddies, Sandra, was 100% in agreement with that strategy.  We both felt like the only way we were going to finish our miles that day was if we gave ourselves a break.   Our other training buddy, Barbara, disagreed with that plan 100%.  She was convinced that if we stopped, we wouldn't continue. We'd then have to hitchhike back to our car because we didn't have bus or taxi fare.  Barbara is normally the jokester of the group and typically brings humor to even the most dire of situations.  That day, she was dead set against stopping and she found no humor in any of our jokes.   In order for her to finish, she had to dig down so deep, she found a part in her that I didn't even know existed.  She dug down deep, got angry, and she just blasted on down the trail, telling us she'd see us at the car.  We just had to watch her dust as she blew past us and we had no choice but to kick it in and follow.  We didn't get our respite.  We had to keep going.

It was on that long distance day that I realized I  had a choice on how I could respond to that situation. I wanted to cry. I wanted to cuss. I still wanted to stretch. I wanted to cry some more. I seriously didn't think I could make it.  I know Sandra was feeling the same way, but we kept going.  (ok, so, maybe there was some cussing.) How does one keep going when every cell in your body tells you that you must STOP?!?   I couldn't stop my body, but I could give my mind some respite.  It is in those situations where a little bit of healthy detachment is what helps to push you through the rough patches.  We had to keep up with Barbara. We had to keep going. Barbara was right - we couldn't stop. She knew it and she had to make herself angry to push through.  The trick to getting through that day and those last few miles, was that I sent my mind on little vacations whenever I would start to think that I would collapse.  I couldn't obsess about every pain in my body. Instead, I allowed my brain to take momentary respite when the pain became too great.  It still takes effort to concentrate on form and pace, but whenever my mind would want to give into the temptation to stop, I allowed my mind to drift away, even for just a few moments at a time. Had I focused on the pain my body was feeling, I wouldn't have been able to keep going.

Had we taken the actual physical break when we wanted to, like we thought we needed to, we may not have finished that day and it's possible it would have discouraged us from even doing the marathon.  That day was as much about conditioning our minds as it was about conditioning our bodies.

Normal life stressors aren't quite as physically painful as that long distance day, but they can be "painful" in different ways.  Here are a few tricks I use to go on vacation in my mind and how I give myself respite in little ways each day.

-Exercise! (my preference is for a walk/hike, in nature or a park.)

Spend time in nature to recharge body, mind and spirit.

-Sit down to eat, no matter how busy you are! (The other day, I was feeling quite stressed at work.  To give myself a real break, I put my lean cuisine meal on an actual plate and sat down on our beautiful patio and ate my pathetic lunch on a real plate, with a real fork, and pretended that I had all the time in the world.  I felt recharged after my lunch break and I was ready to take on the rest of the day,)

-Meditate/Pray - or even take a moment to express gratitude for all that you have and for the beautiful earth around you.

-Enjoy a sunrise or a sunset, and feel gratitude for being alive to appreciate the beauty

Spend time near water, appreciate the beauty of a sunrise or sunset, and feel gratitude for our beautiful earth.

-Spend time near water. (I love to walk near the lake, sit and admire the river, or even spending time near a man-made fountain is rejuvenating to me.)

-Did I mention spending time in nature? Nature recharges us.  If I'm feeling stressed, down, sad, upset, or nervous, spending time with the birds, trees, mountains, rivers, lakes, bugs, squirrels and the rest of nature is always the perfect remedy.

-Be silent. (turn off the music and the television and just allow yourself some silence. For some people, the opposite might be true. Some people need to actually turn on the music.)

-Make your morning routine a mini-spa treatment, rather than a stressed rush to shower and get out the door.

-Unplug from (personal) social media. (There were a few days that I was feeling so much stress, I forced myself to stay off Facebook for a few days. I think in doing so, I focused on myself instead of others and I was able to give my own life the care and attention that it needed.  I love Facebook and love keeping up with my friends and family, but I won't hesitate to take a break if I start to feel too tense.  Unplugging for a few hours or days provides immediate relief from stress.)

-Take a look at the people around you. When you're maxed or stressed out, take a break from the people in your life who drain you.  (It doesn't mean you have to unfriend them or avoid them. While you're providing yourself with respite care,  try to surround yourself with people whose energy helps to charge you up and people who leave you feeling better, rather than those people who injure you in some way. Sometimes, this may even mean a few solitary days. (It's not healthy to completely isolate yourself but rather, just spend quality time alone in spurts.)

-Hug and love your pets! (Again, this is instant stress relief for the both of you. Your animals love the attention, and in return, your mind and spirit will feel instantly better when you allow yourself time to love your pets.)

-Pull yourself together and fake it, if need be.  (There are days when I feel pretty darn rotten and could really use that tropical getaway, or at least a calgon bath.  It is those days when I actually take the extra time and effort to go all out with my hair, make-up and clothes.  The funny thing is, by time I get myself all ready - I usually feel better just by dressing the part. On the off chance I wasn't able to convince myself to feel better, then at least the rest of the world won't know it.)

-Give yourself permission to pause.  (I've been so excited about missellanea.com and I have such big dreams but things are rolling out at a much slower rate than I wanted.  It's like that day when we first did the 20 miles. I'm not stopping. I'm not sitting down. I've just slowed down a little until I catch my breath and let my mind wander a bit,  but we're still moving forward and we're gonna make it just fine and when I get to where I'm going, I'll be stronger than when I started.

Do you have any tricks you use for instant respite, even if it's only in your mind?

Word Wednesday

auspicious aus·pi·cious [aw-spish-uhs] 

adjective

1.  promising success; propitious; opportune; favorable: an auspicious occasion.

2.  favored by fortune; prosperous; fortunate

 

What do you do when absolutely everything is stacked against you and nothing about your situation is auspicious?   Well, if it is something you really want and if it's something you're motivated to make happen, then you dig deep down inside yourself and you persevere.

The first step toward making anything happen for yourself, is to make the the decision to do so and following close behind as the second step, is to believe that anything is possible.

If you haven't noticed, I've failed at maintaining my self-imposed editorial calendar for this blog.  The only feature I've been able to keep up with, consistently,  is "Word Wednesday"  and even that takes more effort than I could even begin to explain.  In short, nothing about my schedule is conducive to making this blog fly. It would be so easy to give up. If I decided to give up, my "one" reader, Shelly, would pat me on the back, tell me I gave it a nice shot and we'd get on with life. (If you're not Shelly and you're reading this, thank you for taking the time out of your day and spending your valuable time here. If you are Shelly, I know you wouldn't really let me off the hook this easily.  I know you'd bust out the pompoms and cheer on anyone who needed encouragement.)  Anyway, I could give up. But, I'm not.

Have I ever told you about my marathon training buddies?  When I decided to do my first marathon, two other friends made the commitment with me.  We probably weighed 700 pounds between the three of us.  Yes, you just read that right. Three big girls, a combined weight of 700 lbs., and we decided to do a marathon.  Day one of training wasn't pretty but when we woke up on the day of the marathon, 10 months later,  it was indeed an auspicious occasion.  There was no doubt about it - we were going to finish that marathon because we had put in the training to make it happen.  The conditions were not in our favor when we started but the one thing we had working for us was our complete dedication to crossing that finish line. I think we even, jokingly, strategized on what to do in the event that one of us should go down and how the other two could drag the the 3rd person across the finish line.  We made the decision to finish a marathon and we believed, completely, in our ability to make it a reality. Our circumstances didn't start out in our favor, but with determination and proper training, we were able to cross the start line auspiciouslly, and crossing the finish line was a certainty.

If you're struggling with something, like I am, keep on going and persevere through the rough patches.  Struggling with something can sometimes be a much needed part of the process and the process is as important as the outcome.

If we make up our minds to do something, if we're truly motivated to make it happen, and if we truly believe in the possibility of success - a person is capable of accomplishing just about anything they envision. It doesn't matter if it seems like it is a impossible task, if you believe in the possibility of success and if you have confidence, you will change the impossible, into the auspicious.

Do it because you love it!

 

It's a week away from The Race for the Roses -Half Marathon, and the doubt started to creep into my mind this morning.  I was really struggling with what should have been an "easy" 7 miles.

This will be my fourth half-marathon and I thought by now, the self-doubt would have been replaced by feelings of confidence and competence. Instead, I was questioning my decision to register for this event. I was questioning my ability, whether or not my foot is healed enough from a recent surgery, my training, and  even questioning if I should retire from marathons and half-marathons and just hike for fun.

Every step I took felt awkward, heavy and even painful.  I've learned from training, when you're feeling like this, it's best to focus on your stride, focus on your form and posture, be mindful of your foot strike, and then feel the transition as your body moves from the uncomfortable clunkity-clunk-clunkity-clunk, to that of a more fluid moving machine. The important thing is to be present and focus.

I was able to re-direct myself and things were just starting to flow when I had to stop at an intersection to wait for the crossing sign to change.  This particular intersection is one of the busiest intersections in town and sometimes it can be a very long wait. The crossing signal changed and as I started to re-launch myself, I realized I had lost the flow again.

This time, I couldn't stop my brain fast enough. My mind took off from that present moment and before I knew it, my brain had gone back in time to a little kid's gymnastics meet that I attended several years ago.  I attended the meet to support my dear friend's daughter, who is quite the skilled gymnast. My friend's daughter did fantastic but I remember a little girl who just struggled. She more than struggled. The little dear floundered.   The poor little sweetie was painfully unskilled.  I felt so sorry for her. I didn't know it at the time, but I had it all wrong.

Later, a friend asked about the meet and I told him about the poor little girl and how it had upset me to watch her struggling.  I questioned how parents could "do" that to a kid, which caused my friend to question me.  I explained that if I had a child, I would never want them to experience humiliation or failure. It was my position that maybe the little girl's parents should have encouraged her to pursue something else, something at which she could be good.    Never being one for too many words, but always being the one with the right answer - his response was "fuck it."

I continued to have this internal debate for many years.  Would I ever want to be the little girl gymnast? Would I ever want to do something at which I would never be a "winner"?  Would I ever want to do something at which I didn't excel, simply for the love of it?  Before I started this blog, and before I started doing marathons, my answer was always "no." I only wanted to be good. I only wanted to be a winner.

Just a few hundred yards past that intersection, it all came whooshing at me…I AM that floundering little gymnast. I am that little girl, doing something she clearly wasn't "made" to do, but I'm doing it and I love it! I'm growing and I'm learning and I'm discovering that we learn more from our failure and "humiliation" than we could ever learn from living a life filled with one success after another.  Not only am I that little floundering gymnast, but here I am, encouraging you to do the same!  I'm telling us both to get out there in that world!  So what, if we don't stick our dismount and if we fall flat on our faces?!  If we land on our face instead of our feet, then we will just pick ourselves back up again, put our little hands in the air as though we nailed a 10.0, and smile.

After channeling the little floundering gymnast, I regained my stride and my flow and laughed as I was hit with another memory, as a child, in ballet.   I was such a big girl and probably painfully out of place. My tutu didn't match the other girls in our recital because I was so big that I couldn't fit the children's tutus.  I had to wear a tutu that belonged to our teacher.   I realize now that my own parents allowed me to flounder and "fail." That "failure" is one of my greatest memories and I'm so thankful they encouraged me, even when I did things simply for the love of it and even when my love of it was painfully awkward for others to watch.