If You Want to Implement a New Behavior - Ritualize!

I just finished "reading" a life-changing book,  "The Way We're Working Isn't Working,"by Tony Schwartz.    I listened to the audio book version but I will purchase an actual printed book and keep it close by for future reference.

One concept that struck me as both brilliant and as common sense, is the idea that in order to be successful in a desired behavior, we should set ourselves up so that behavior becomes "ritualized." Perhaps the easiest way to ritualize a behavior, is to be specific in our intentions.

An example from my own life of which I was able to identify as a ritualized behavior, is working-out after I get off work.  I go to a local park every day after work and walk the stairs and hike the trails.  I go every day, Monday through Thursday and every other Friday.  I don't even think about this. It's not debatable. It's just something I do without any second thought.  The only time I don't go, is if something occurs at work which prevents me from going.  It has become as much a part of my day as going to work.  I think this happened by accident, several months or even a few years ago when I would invite co-workers to join me. I'd basically tell them that I go to the park to do the stairs every day, except every-other-friday and they would "know where to find me."  I must have explained my schedule to at least one co-worker a day and Inadvertently, I was being so specific with this work-out schedule, that I eventually programmed myself to hit the stairs right after work…and it wasn't open for debate.  Success!

Working out after work, every Monday through Thursday, and every other Friday, is very specific versus just saying "I'd like to work out" and then having the expectation this will then just magically happen.  I would be the first to admit, it wouldn't.  I know that I would talk myself out of working out and into something else, were it not for the fact that my after-work work-outs are now habit and ritualized.

Now, here's the challenge...how do I apply specificity of implementation intentions to my new endeavor - the missellanea.com blog?  How do i ritualize the behavior of sitting down to write a blog post?

Right about the same time that I was struggling with this question and trying to figure out how to ritualize a blogging schedule, my friend Nubby Twiglet wrote about the importance of an editorial calendar.  Wow!  This was exactly what I needed to hear, exactly when I needed to hear it!  An "editorial calendar" is precisely how to implement specificity and ritualize a behavior. In this case, it would be ritualizing the behavior of writing blog posts.

So, here I am…about to be specific with my implementation intentions.  This is not to say that things can't change, but for right now - I need to make this declaration in order to hold myself accountable and because I want to be successful with this thing.  I promise you, as I learn more about blogging (and for that matter, more about how to actually use WordPress, my camera and my computer), the more I can post.

Moving forward, I will post a minimum of three times per week and the posting schedule will be as follows.

Tuesday -

Things about which I'm excited; typically small businesses, people, products, events, etc.

Saturday -

The things I think about during my long training walks/runs/hikes. (talk about miscellanea; this will be everything from birds to bras, stories, training, life, death, and everything else that pops into my head when I'm on the trails. Some days, I'll share the thoughts in my head, some days, I'll share the feelings in my heart, and some days, I'll just share the silliness that I find myself in.)

Sunday -

Personal life experiences and a glimpse into my life. (again, forcing myself to learn my camera and expand my photography skills.)

As I write this, I realize that I could even be more specific. I know the book would tell me that I need to actually declare the time of day that I'll sit down to write/blog.  For now, this is a very good start.  The important thing is that I've now put it out there and I've given myself guidelines to follow. I have to admit, I already feel better about this.  The other upside is that you now know when to expect new posts from me!

What behavior do you intend to ritualize?

Project Brown Bag - Northwest

A few Saturdays ago, I spent the afternoon with two of my best friends and their families, handing out brown lunch bags filled with snacks, to 50 random homeless people who we encountered in the streets of Portland and Vancouver. Although the gesture filled just a temporary need for the recipients, to me, the afternoon was life-changing.  The majority of the people to whom we gave bags, were genuinely appreciative and often directed us to other homeless "camps" where we would be welcomed.  I was surprised by people's friendliness  and just how sincerely grateful people were were to receive our modest snack bags.  I was near tears on several occasions.   Some of the homeless people we encountered, were so affected by addiction or mental illness, they were basically asleep or passed out under tarps or blankets and all we could do was leave a bag by their side and hope they'd see it when they awoke.  I was also surprised, and very relieved, to run into a few other people who were doing the very same thing we were doing.  A few of those people were driving older, hardly-working cars and probably had very little to give, yet they were on the streets, giving to people who had less.

The seed for this act was actually planted a few years ago but we just now put it into action on a scale larger than just one-bag-at-a-time.

Our three families had decided a few years prior that we were going to stop exchanging Christmas gifts, except for the kids.  Once we made that decision, our holiday celebrations became more about the friendship and love we shared between our families and less about consumerism and stress.

It was at our 2011 Christmas get-together that my friend Debbie presented each of us with a brown bag full of treats.  We started to scold her for breaking the rules and giving us gifts, but then she explained that the brown bags were not our gifts, but they were small gifts for us to give away to a person in need.  The bags contained a few snacks that added up to a decent meal.  Each bag contained:

-Bottle of water

-Can of V8 Juice

-A snack pack of Tuna and Crackers

-Fruit Roll Up

-Peanut Butter and Crackers or Cheese and Crackers

-A Granola Bar

Debbie then explained the idea for "Project Brown Bag - Northwest."  She instructed us that once we gave away the bag she had given us, we were to pack more of our own bags and to continue to give away brown bags at every opportunity.  She made the offer that if we were unable to find the time, or money, to pack bags, that she would always have extra bags for us to give out and we could give back in the form of time, or money,  or more product, when we were better able to do so.

The idea was born from Debbie's desire to help the homeless people she passed on the freeway on-ramps on her daily commute.  She had always wanted to help them in some way, but was concerned that a gift of money may contribute to  substance abuse or addiction issues and perpetuate the situation of homelessness. She was tired of looking the other way and avoiding eye-contact with homeless people. She wanted to help and she wanted people to know that someone cared about them. It was her hope, and objective,  that we would continue to pass out brown bags to the homeless people we encounter on a daily basis, and then spread the word and encourage our other friends and family to do the same.

As it turns out, there are several other "Project Brown Bag" organizations and movements.   Debbie shares her idea with several others, in several different states.  Can you imagine the impact it would have on our world if every human gave a small gesture of kindness to another human being, every single day?

You can "brown bag," simply by having your car stocked with a few pre-packed lunch bags filled with non-perishable snacks, at the ready, to give away to any person in need.  A bag filled with the snacks listed above, has a cost of about $2. (items were purchased at Costco, except for the tuna packs which were purchased at the Dollar Tree.)  I also like to keep a few bags of dog food to give as well.  If I don't have actual pre-packaged "brown bags" to give, I still keep snacks handy so at least I have something to offer.

Every recipient that I've ever given to, has always been very appreciative but I know sometimes that isn't the case. Sometimes, face it, people want or need the cash.  The point is, your gift of a brown bag or other food item is both nourishment for the recipient's body, and in a small way, it is nourishment for their spirit. In that one small gesture, you're showing a person there is still kindness in this world and you're showing that person that the world still cares about them.  Amazingly, in the process of helping another, you will also find that you've nourished your own spirit.

In addition to our daily "brown bag" efforts, my friends and I are now going to get together every 3 months to distribute at least 50 bags, and we'll try to fill the bags with a little something extra. (such as socks, hand warmers, etc.)  It is our dream to someday be able to hand out bags with hygiene items and a t-shirt or other clothing.  Until then, we will just continue to hand out one little snack bag at a time and hope that others can do the same. We can make a difference, one human being to another.

Happy New Year!

New Year's Day brings inspiration, possibility, opportunity, renewal, rebirth, growth, and change. One of the reasons that I've challenged myself to start a blog, is to have a platform in which to share some of my own personal experiences with change and rebirth.  Perhaps the most exciting realization I've experienced, is learning that I could declare a change at any moment. Every day is a day for resolutions! Real, life-changing, resolutions aren't limited to New Year's Day.   Life-altering change can happen on a Thursday.  New beginnings can happen on any day, at any moment, whenever we choose.  Life-altering change can occur whenever one is finally "done" with a self-destructive (or counter-productive) behavior and is finally ready to welcome a new, positive, alternative.

I've lost 100 pounds, I stopped drinking nearly 6 years ago, and I stopped smoking 4 months ago.  I still have a lot of self-improvement projects  but I know that as soon as I'm ready to tackle those changes or issues, I can do it! I've learned that whatever positive changes a person desires for oneself, can be achieved just as soon as one makes the decision to do so.  If one truly desires a positive change for oneself and if one is truly "done" with self-destructive behaviors, the change will occur.

I've found that making up your mind to do something is probably more difficult than actually doing it!  I've known for years that I "needed" to quit smoking but I hadn't ever tried to quit and it wasn't until recently that I even actually wanted to quit. I had tortured myself for years over the thought that someday, I will have to quit smoking.  I tortured myself with the thought that the process of smoking cessation, will be torture.  I couldn't even manage the thought of not-smoking.  I would try to imagine myself drinking a cup of coffee without also having a cigarette, and I couldn't do it!  I was so addicted to smoking and it was such a part of my life, that I couldn't even visualize myself not-smoking. I had also become afraid to attempt quitting after watching a friend make numerous failed attempts.  I was afraid that if I failed, I wouldn't ever try again. I didn't want to quit but I knew that I needed to.  I suspect that if I would have tried to quit at that time, I would have failed.

Earlier this year, I started to grow tired of smoking.  I hadn't yet made up my mind to quit, but I had made up my mind to think about quitting and to think about not-smoking.  I hadn't yet made the declaration that I was going to quit smoking, but I had made the declaration that I was going to think about quitting and think about not-smoking.  I did just that.   I didn't know it at the time, but I was setting myself up for success.  I was incubating my desire to quit smoking.  The desire to quit smoking was growing stronger every day.  Then one day, it just happened.  I woke up and I was done smoking. It was that easy.  I had done such a thorough job of visualizing a smoke-free life and had cultivated such a strong desire to be a non-smoker, that I just woke up "done."  I was done wasting money on cigarettes. I was done damaging my health and shortening my life.  I was done sabotaging my progress in exercise.  I was done stinking like a smoker.  I was done obsessing about my next cigarette break.  I was done planning events around smoker-friendly establishments.  I was done driving a car that smelled of cigarettes. I was done ruining clothes with accidental cigarette burns. I was done being judged for being a smoker.  I was done being owned by a stupid cigarette. I was just done.

It turned out, for me, that the actual cessation was not difficult at all.  The challenge, for me, was to finally reach the point in my life when I was ready to change.  The challenge was finally making up my mind that I wanted to quit smoking.  I had a genuine desire to change and having a genuine desire to change has made me successful in smoking cessation. The only torture in quitting smoking, was the torture I put myself through in making up my mind to be "done."

If you've made New Year's Resolutions, I wish you the very best of luck in fulfilling them.  If you have a slip-up or a set-back, try again. Even if you need to scrap the "New Year's Resolution" and declare a "Right at This Moment Resolution," just keep going. Do not get discouraged. When you've made up your mind to do something, you will be unstoppable and success will be yours.

Hurt People, Hurt People

This week has been filled with incomprehensible violence, loss and pain. I am grieving for the victims and their survivors, mourning the loss of our sense of security and longing for peace and love for all.

May the surviving victims be surrounded by love and may their broken hearts be comforted so they can live again.

May we find a way to identify, treat and heal those who are hurting and in mental crisis so that we can prevent such mass tragedies and even the tragedies which occur daily, on a smaller scale.

May we remember to give smiles, freely.

May we remember to love one another and treat each and every person we encounter with love, patience and kindness.

May we find hope.

May we find peace.

May we feel love.  May we share love.

Hello, world!

I've been thinking about this first post for a long time now and the reality of it is nothing like I had envisioned. If I continue to wait until conditions are exactly the way I've been imagining, I will never give life to this thing.

My vision for the birth of Missellanea required an entire team including a photographer, web developer, graphic designer, hair stylist and make-up artist. I also needed to land a major retailer who would sponsor a weekly makeover feature, and I needed to pre-write at least three months worth of content.

I've given myself permission to set aside my unrealistic expectations, dive in, and let it evolve.  So, here I am. It's just me.  Let's do this.